Back to Blogging. . . and some {NEWS}

My favorite picture right now.

It is officially time for me to get back in the saddle with blogging. Big changes are and will be happening around here and I'm going to need an outlet during the whirlwind.

It has been just a little over 5 years since we arrived in Dallas. From the moment we arrived we knew this is where we belonged. It just felt right. During that 5 years that feeling has been confirmed over and over again. We knew we were supposed to be here, despite the weekly phone calls from family pleading for our return to Idaho. Texas is the place for us right now.

Last February we got the moving itch and started looking at houses. We found a few in our area that we loved and we got a little excited. After talking to our realtor and discussing our future plans we decided to put things on hold. Selling a house in a saturated market is no fun and not really worth it, unless you absolutely have to do it. That was our mutual consensus.

BUT, the moving itch didn't go away. It kept nagging.

Then, Dylan got bit by the "I don't LOVE my job" bug. Bless his heart, he has been doing some nasty stuff for the last year and a half, and he felt like it was worth it because he could move up and make a name for himself. But the moving up opportunities just weren't appearing. So, he casually started looking elsewhere.

All the while, these feelings of needing to move just keep pestering us.

A week and a half ago Claire and I were on our way to support my 8th Grade boys playing football and I got a life changing phone call from Dylan.

He said, "well are you ready for our lives to get even more complicated?" My remark was, "what now? do I need to come bail you out of jail cause you've gotten one speeding ticket too many?" --- If you only knew ---

"No, I just got off the phone with Steve (his boss' boss) and they are offering me a regional manager position over all of the East coast and they want us to relocate immediately."

I immediately thought, "oh, heck yes I have always wanted to live on the East coast."

"It is a mandatory move to HOUSTON." :( EXTRA LARGE frowny face for me.

The LAST place on Earth I have EVER wanted to live.

A week and a half later, and lots of fasting, praying, temple attending, phone calls, flights to Houston, and more fasting and praying-- it just feels right.

There was no resounding YES or NO but {CALM}

Surprisingly calm, which is amazing because I am the queen of freak out. I've even been blessed with glimpses of why things have happened in the past to prepare us for this. Even more I have been blessed with {PEACE}.

I'm still figuring out how Claire and I will attempt to face the remainder of the school year here, seeing Dylan only a few times a month, and packing up all of our {CRAP}.

Or, how we will sell our house, when there are 3 houses for sale on our street already, and our house is a total mess that has been neglected while I have worked full time for the last 2 1/2 years.

Or, how will we ever find a place as great as our little slice of heaven here in Dallas.

Despite these fears, I continue to know that it will all work out and this is what is in store for us.

Our adventure continues and I am totally excited to see where it takes us.

History Teacher Rant. . .

This week I taught

George Washington's Presidency.

The precedents he set and the challenges he faced as

the FIRST PRESIDENT.

When it came time to teach his

{Farewell Address}

I was struck by how far we have strayed by his advice.

Take a look,

click to enlarge

Is it just me,

or would we be better off

if we had followed his advice?

I'm just sayin'

:{ It's That Time Again

How does two weeks go by so quickly?

Why is it I feel like I never get anything done during my breaks?

I am looking forward to a

{NEW YEAR}

and a

{NEW ME}

Back to the grind people, back to the grind.

We Are So Blessed To Live In This Country!

Next week in U.S. History, we are exploring how the colonial grievances listed in the Declaration of Independence were addressed by the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights. As I have prepared for this lesson, I have come to a greater realization of what our lives could be like today, had our Founding Fathers not addressed these issues.

When I woke up this morning and read the verdict of the Elizabeth Smart case in my Google news and the transcript of the news conference of the jurors , my mind immediately went to what we've been discussing in history. As I read the transcript I couldn't help but feel gratitude for our court system and the civic virtue that most Americans exhibit. I feel so blessed to live in this country.

Now, more than ever in my life have I heard and witnessed so much cynicism regarding our country and political system. It is very disheartening to me. I think many of us have lost sight of what is really precious. There is no country I would rather live in. Things are not perfect in our country. I'll be the first to admit that, but is there somewhere else that is perfect? Is there somewhere else that is better?

I'm tired of the complaining. I'm tired of political parties that are pitted against each other and at each others throats constantly. It makes me feel hopeless.

Reading that transcript this morning gave me hope. Regular ordinary Americans from different, political parties, religious and ethnic backgrounds, coming together to interpret the law and participate in our political system.

This is what our country about-- each person personally taking responsibility for ensuring rights and freedoms of not only themselves but others.

We are so blessed to live in this country-- don't forget it!!!!

What Is A Glog, You Ask???

Should We Be Worried???

Life As A Single Parent. . . at least for the week.

The last few days have actually been a welcome change. Dylan left yesterday to go to Houston for his new job. Not saying its nice to not have him around, but then again, I guess that's kind a what I'm saying. :D

I'm sure he feels the same since, he's been hanging around the house since April 2009. Yesterday, I took the day off so I could take him to Love Field and enjoy the remainder of my mental health day A-L-O-N-E! Oh, how I miss the weekdays at home, ALONE. I remember just before Claire started preschool in 2008, thinking whatever will I do with myself, I'll have so much free time on my hands not having Claire around. Maybe, I'll take a golf lesson or something. Yeah, right. Someone had something else in mind.

Sorry, I veered off track there a minute. It was fabulous to be home when Claire came running in the door from school. We had a great time playing hide and seek when she got home. Followed up with pizza on the grill as dinner and reading Tiger Rising before bed. Followed up by TV time with my own shows, no fighting over the remote, and grading papers.

This evening was open house at my school, and I was feeling guilty for having to leave Claire ALL day and evening. Luckily, I have the BEST visiting teacher, who is watching her after school this week. She graciously let Claire spend the evening with her family and even fed me a gourmet Costa Rican dinner after my VERY long day at school today. Almost better than having a hubby at home :D

Dylan will be gone all week. He sounds like he is enjoying training and is looking forward to getting out in the field and working with customers. He made me laugh yesterday when he said, "I think this is the first time I've worked for a business that has a human resource department." It is, he's always worked small business. I kept telling him he didn't know what he was missing.

So, things are looking up here at the Rager household. Can't wait for Spring Break next week. Just wishing I could be whisked away somewhere exotic, but I will gladly settle for a week of me and Claire time. It's been so long, and she is growing up way too fast.

SERIOUS BLOG DROUGHT

in case you haven't noticed,

my blog has become a barren wasteland.

this truly makes my heart ache.

i've written hundreds of blog posts.

what you haven't read them???

that's right, they still haven't been published

due to my lack of free moments to sit down and write.

on my way to work this morning,

i dreamt of blog posts,

possibly renaming my blog something like,

Confessions of a Summer Blogger

or

Breadwinner by Day, Housewife by Night.

i have some really great teacher stories to share,

but due to the nature of such stories

i don't feel free to share them in open forum

BIG BROTHER

is always watching

EVERYBODY SAY HI TO BIG BROTHER

just one more thing to hinder my blogging efforts

not to mention

most of my previous blogging was about

crafting or Claire

both of which don't occupy my time like they used to.

So for now, the drought will continue.

I really try on the weekends

but, I am hoping for summer, when I can write

at my leisure again.

if i had time to write i would tell you about:

job searching

kindergarten

facing our tenth year of marriage

poisoning

dealing with 8+ years of infertility

cavities and implants

weight gain

depression

Evony & Fog of War

waiting for missionaries

Christmas

gifts i've made

interesting meals at our house

callings

loving the life you have

patience

and I could go on forever,

but I have a book calling my name

and one goal i set was

to read something I enjoy this month

without falling asleep :D

Adieu

two weeks. . . has it really been two weeks?

this is my sad face

back to the grind in the morning

Claire and Santa

Does that look forced or what?

She didn't want to sit on Santa.

She's been a little weird about Santa this year.

She hasn't really asked for anything,

aside from telling me she wants everything in every store.

I love this little girl,

and I wish I could give her the world for Christmas.

It's just a linen closet

photo courtesy: Martha Stewart Website

Martha states,

"In the ideal linen closet everything is visible. Everyday items are easy to reach, and seasonal items, such as baskets of beach towels, are on the top and bottom shelves. It saves time to group linens according to size and the room they're used in; the stacks are spaced apart, which allows linens to breath and allows you to find what you need easily."

Unfortunately, I came down with a nasty bug Thursday evening, and I've been under the weather. Not fun.

Even more not fun, being home when your husband decides he's going to clean and rearrange the linen closet.

If you can't stand anal retentive people, please stop reading NOW! I am anal retentive and you will officially hate the monster that I am by the end of this post.

Now, initially the linen closet would not cause disharmony in my home. While we have been known to argue over the "proper" way to fold towels, never before has the linen closet been the cause of contention.

Before I begin, a few facts you must know:

*my husband was raised in a house full of boys, who were in charge of their own laundry (don't get me wrong, his mother educated him on proper folding and storage technique, he just decided that technique doesn't matter, technique takes too long.)
*I used to pride myself in being a domestic goddess
*I can no longer claim that title, but I think my husband officially can :o)
*I have been known to have minor freak outs/panic attacks when things aren't in order
*No I have not been clinically diagnosed yet

Friday morning, feeling as though I am on deaths door, lying on the couch with a 102 temp and my husband says, "oh, yeah, I've been meaning to clean out this hall linen closet." (Definitely one of the the selling features in my home, I ♥ good storage spaces-- don't mess w/my storage spaces.)

In my fever induced stupor, I moan, "Anything you want dear."

Five minutes later, in a moment of clarity I realize what has just occurred. All my white folded linens were just piled into an old plastic comforter bag and thrown to the top of my linen closet. I swear I heard a, "bombs away!" as they flew to the top shelf.

I find myself, craning my neck to see where he places every last washcloth, and dictating his every move. Even worse, when he leaves to carry towels to the upstairs linen closet I sneak over to refold and replace things. When I hear him coming I fly back to the couch and commence my moaning.

I sound despicable don't I.

Eventually we argue. Of course we did. Here he was helping out and I was undermining everything he was doing. Unfortunately, I do that a lot. Not one of my best features.

As we argue I blame him. I blame, that he has changed every aspect of my life blah, blah, blah. I can't even have my linen closet the way I want anymore, blah, blah, blah.

He argues that I am not grateful. In my heart of hearts I know he is right.

He is right, because moments earlier as I was experiencing a panic attack refolding the towels and moving sheets back to their rightful shelf, I was asking myself, WHY???? Why, am I home sick, and stressing over sheets on a shelf?

Going back to work has been one hell of an adjustment.

I know that I am not the only woman in the world going through this.

It's not his fault. Its not mine. Its not the President's.

It's life.

It's a linen closet. And bless his heart, he was doing it for me.

A few things I've witnessed in my husband in the last few months,

• He is one of the most versatile, roll with the punches people I know


• He is an AMAZING dad


• He is a great cook


• He can get ALL of the laundry done in one day. Meaning, washing, folding and putting away. A feat I could rarely accomplish by myself.


• He would do anything for anyone


• He has unshakable faith


• He continues to love me even when I am at my worst

I'm sure there's so much more, that I could have seen or noticed, but I have been too worried about how my towels were folded and the dust on my baseboards to realize. While I'm away, he's home putting together the pieces I leave behind every morning.

The tables have definitely turned. I can honestly say I have questioned why many times. I think I know at least one reason. So that I can chill out, and enjoy the beautiful blessings I have been given. First and foremost, one of the greatest husband's around.


Okay, enough sucking up. He doesn't even read my blog. Will one of you email this to him. I'm sick, and want to sleep in my own bed now. :D

Weekend Update!

Yes, life has been just a little crazy around here!!!!

Saw this writing spider this afternoon

and it was my reminder

I have lots of writing to do

This coming week is college week at my school and Claire's

I had my mom send me a BSU t-shirt, but I totally forgot about Claire.

We had fun making her one tonight.

This last week was full: (aren't they all?)

1. We started out the week celebrating my brother's 29th birthday
2. Then Claire stayed home sick two days in a row
3. We had one trip to pediatric after hours
4. We found out she had a virus, not strep
5. Only to get our insurance cards two days later
6. Only to find out we got hosed on our insurance and will be cancelling it this week.We opted out of adding Dylan and Claire to my insurance because we thought we found it cheaper for them online. Everything seemed to check out, we paid our first premium and enrollment fee. We got the cards and paperwork on Friday. The premium was some how miscalculated and will now be $100 more a month.
7. Bull!!!!
8. I went bowling with some of the teachers from school. They have their own league and meet once a month. Tons of fun!!!!
9. I attended a baby shower for my sister-in-law and brother
10. We are so excited for them to have a baby
11. Dylan got what Claire had
12. Man Cold Video from YouTube played through my mind constantly this weekend. He is two years older me and I still have to tell him to take his medicine. Don't complain to me if you haven't taken any medicine for it.
13. I think we made AT LEAST four trips to Walgreens this week. AHHHH!
14. This coming week-- dare I say it looks a little more open than the previous ones have been.

I'm sure that will change sometime tomorrow.

I'm 30 but I feel 90?????

I truly was looking forward to turning 30. I felt it was a much needed step into adulthood. I feel like nobody takes you seriously in your our 20's. I have a memory of my mother turning 30, and I remember it being traumatic for her. I don't remember why. I just remember telling myself, wow I can't wait until I'm 30. I've continued to feel that way, until the last month or so.

It's not really the 30 thing that's haunting me, its this place where I have found myself at 30. I guess I expected more, and for a while I saw myself heading in the right direction. But as soon as I was embracing where my life was heading, my direction veered dramatically. I am now realizing my unfulfilled dreams and what 30 is really going to be, I have started to feel my own little mini-mid life crisis begin to kick in.

Call me selfish. Call me immature. Tell me to grow up. I need to hear it, I tell it to myself every day. I spent three wonderful years as a stay at home mom, discovering a wonderful life raising my beautiful daughter and discovering a piece of my soul I didn't know existed. What I like to think of as my free spirit.

When most of us think of a free spirit, we think of someone with little or no inhibitions. Definitely not me. But when I think of who I was, anal retentive, always worrying, always wanting to do what was right, always having order, never finding true joy, always controlling, unable to give into creativity, oh, so judgemental, and never willing to take risks; and who I found, someone just a little lazy, able to accept others, full of creativity, an entrepreneur, full of energy, passion, compassion, service--I feel I found my free spirit.

This free spirit I formed I now feel must be boxed up and saved for a later time. Its almost as though I have been watching this part of me slowly die this summer, knowing that when I go back to work, this semi-charmed life I had been living will quietly disappear, and be replaced with over scheduling and lots more worrying.

I will now throw a temper tantrum. I want more babies. I want to stay home. I want to take afternoon naps snuggled up with a little one. I want to read stories. I want to procrastinate my housework, till just before my husband comes home. I want to worry about, my cups facing up or down, I want to go to playgroup. I want to sew, and sew, and sew and sew. I don't want to let this stage of my life go just yet.

So, you see 30 has taken a very different turn. Last year, when I was standing at 29 facing 30-- I would not have expected to be writing this post. I wanted this to be a year to embrace my free spirit, not to bury it.

I must admit, I feel truly overwhelmed by the responsibilities that lay in front of me. How do I juggle being:
1. A mother of a school age child
2. A wife of an unemployed entrepreneur/Young Men's counselor
3. A counselor in the relief society
4. An 8th grade teacher
5. An oldest child
6. Someone who's got her crap together

So, 30, here I am chew me up, spit me out. I'm well aware that next year I things could be dramatically different. I'm facing a whole other world full of new unknowns. What will it be like, and who will I be when I come out on the other side?

I know I'm 30, but really I feel 90!

p.s. I truly am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. It's just so hard to face change sometimes, especially when you really liked who/what you are-- for once in your life.

p.p.s. San Antonio was a dream come true. I'll be posting soon!

Let's Get This Party Started!!!

Guess who's turning 5???

And it seems the celebrating is never-ending.

Last week at my parents house we celebrated

High School musical cupcakes and Hula Dancers!!!
What every little girls wants!

She's a pretty good little hula dancer herself.

For her Birthday we will be in

Santa Fe

Celebrating with Dylan's parents

Like I said it seems the celebrating

is never ending.

If you want to know how spoiled one little girl can get

you can borrow mine for a while.

It seems the

{Diva}

has arrived.


My baby is 5 ;(

My Body Is Screaming At Me

Once again, my body is giving me grief. So, this time I finally broke down and headed to the doctor. Thankfully, I found out that it was only my thyroid and not the other things I had been fearing. So, if you'd like to hear about just a little of the stress that might be contributing to my thyroid problems check here

And So It Begins. . .

My Summer List. . . That needs to be completed by July 1st.

1st- Clean and organize the train wreck of a craft room.

2nd- Refinish Claire's dresser, that we have had since she was a baby and have had on the list to do since then too-- We will see if it gets done this summer.

3rd- Refinish "the desk." We bought oops paint last night for 5 bucks to paint it. my goal is to see how little I can spend refinishing it. It looks as though I will be using leftover fabric from a commissioned piece I did a few months ago, for the seat.

4th- piece and sew my quilt. I bought this for me for Christmas, with the intention to do it this summer. I really want it done before July.

5. Paint a wall size map of United States Westward Expansion.

6. Sew curtains for my classroom

7. Go through and put together at least my first six weeks lesson plans.

8. Can a HUGE burlap sack full of pinto beans-- I have a feeling this is going to take DAYS!!!

and because I have been working, my house has totally been neglected, so think of all the cleaning I have to do too.

I love being over scheduled :D Now on to that craft room. I can't do anything else until its done.

I ♥ FREE!!!

Doing Relief Society visits tonight we passed this on the curb.

For the first time ever I had the guts to go back later and ask if they were getting rid of it.

They were.

FREE!!!

Can't wait to start this summer project!!!

Dear Blogger. . .

I find myself longing for you.
Tonight as we visited Dairy Queen, after feeding the ducks, for Family Home Evening. We chilled eating our dilly bars, and I took the time to look around. I found myself longing for a good blog post. It sure has been a while.
I looked around at all the people, and had the burning desire to know each persons' story. Oddly enough, there were solitary men at four different tables. I wanted to venture over and ask each one why they weren't eating their celebratory ice cream with loved ones????

And so I sat there, half listening to Claire's recitation of Nationwide Insurance commercials and Between the Lions Antics---- (apparently daddy believes the TV is a great babysitter), developing in my head questions for these men, thinking about writing a post. It's been so long since that's happened. Not the, Claire blabbering, but the thinking about writing a post.

I miss blogging. I miss writing. I miss expressing myself. I miss crafting. I miss taking long walks in the morning- with no rush to get anywhere. I miss kissing my husband when he walks in the door after a long days work. This is sounding pathetic-- while I miss all these things and more, there are a few things I have been enjoying.

I am enjoying early dinners, and long evenings, a husband who does the dishes, taking time just sitting and listening to Claire giggle and make up funny stories(cause I have been missing her too). I enjoy arguing with Dylan over who cleans the house the right way, spending weekends together, developing and living on a budget together, a job that allows me to come home happy and fulfilled, not empty and exhausted.

So, I have lots of blessings, especially the blessing of being able to sit in DQ with my family, not alone. Hopefully in the coming weeks I'll have a little more time to devote to writing. Hopefully! In the meantime. . .

I'm still wondering why all those men were there, by themselves eating ice cream, odd???

My Summer List

I'm hoping for LOTS of thisand a

little of

THIS

But it looks like the above will be dictated by
THIS

I got the JOB
but with it comes
Summer Staff Development Classes

I Know You Won't Believe Me, But. . .

Dylan called me this morning

to tell me he got the

OFFICIAL CALL

to

lock up the store

IT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!

Can one woman be so happy to hear that her husband is currently unemployed???

Things are well for us, and we know there is a brighter future for us

here in the

GREAT STATE

of

TEXAS