Here is my rant. Take it or leave it. Almost two years ago we moved to Texas. No family and no friends. A year ago, I was depressed and didn't feel like I fit in with the other women in my ward. I wasn't enjoying my calling and I was being very judgemental of the people I came in contact with. I felt like I didn't fit in with the other moms my age cause I wasn't skinny, or cute, or cool enough. I so wanted to feel accepted. I had a few friends, but none that were really my age or stage in life. I blamed every one else for not including me.
A year later and a little hindsight has me re-thinking things. I never once put myself out there, because I was petrified of rejection. I never said, "hey, when do you guys go to the pool, I want to go to, so the kids can play." I never made the effort to invite people over or get to know them. I just judged from afar and that only made me more bitter.
The problem wasn't "them", it was me. I was too consumed with myself to realize I was the problem. Its amazing the changes that can take place in a year. Thanks to a great visiting teacher who literally was my saving grace, who introduced me to my best friend in the whole world, who in turn taught me to love people for who they are. Thanks to blogging, it introduced me to women in the ward I made a connection with, and would have probably never spoken to if it weren't for blogging. Thanks to visiting teaching--me being able to visit teach some of the finest women, who have taught me so much. Thanks to a Heavenly Father, who has humbled me enough to realize that all you have to do is forget yourself, love others the way He does, and accept all.
I plead to women, who have been, or who are walking in these same shoes. Reach out, don't push away. We are all going through our own battles that seem unbearable, and I know that our burdens are so much lighter when we have someone to share them with and a shoulder to cry on. Get over ourselves and love each other. I truly believe we are in each other's lives for a reason, it not just coincidence that we are here together.
16 comments:
Great post. I love ya girl and only wish I was around to hang with you! Thanks for the good times while I was there.
i needed that today. thanks for posting so honestly. i lived in the same place for 5 years and had my little world and moving here has been very hard on me. thank you for showing that none of us are really alone.
Hey there! I would LOVE to chat! Lets get together!
First off, that picture of you is BEAUTIFUL! And thanks for that insightful post. My natural tendency would be to not put myself out there either but with our big move to Georgia I really want to make the effort.
Sarah-I so don't remember exactly what I said:( But I'll try.
Woohooo to your post! I have been in the same situation a number of times and have always found that being proactive about meeting people is the best route. This really hit home for me after I returned from a year of studying abroad in college. When I came back all of my friends had graduated or married and were no longer around. I was sad and lonely so I went to my bishop to talk about how awful and unfriendly the ward was. After listening, he asked what I had done to improve my situation and I realized that I hadn"t done anything. I was waiting for everyone else to see how awesome I was and wanting to be near me rather than putting myself out there for people to get to know. That lesson has always stayed with me. Since then I have determined that I will not let it happen again and I actively seek people out when I am new. What better way to get to know people by putting yourself in their path?
And then on the flip side, I always introduce myself to new people. And if I don't connect with them, most of the time I can point them in the right direction of other friendly people.
We all have to look out for one another! And making friends is hard so everyone should do their share to help. So Bravo Sarah-you rock!
Well don't hide your depression so well next time because I didn't even SEE it living right across the street and swimming with you guys multiple times last year! HOWEVER, God had to stretch me to my limits last year for me to realize it's not about me and the things *I* think are important... it's about Him and the areas He needs me to work in. SO- I had blinders on last summer as well. Welcome to the "other side", it's nice to see you with my new glasses and MAN you're HOT! ;)
Amen sista! You are preaching to the choir. I love you very much, even though I wasn't mentioned by name, I assume I was included in your "rant". I know I wasn't one of the "skinny" people to which you were referring! You are an amazing person, and anyone that pushes you away, or doesn't include you, SHAME ON THEM! Mwah!
I sometimes feel the same way as you have. It is hard for me to put myself out there because I am shy and in turn I want to blame everyone else for not including me. Thanks for the insight. I know that it is me and I need to break out of my shell a little more often. I need to give you your paper bag scrapbook back. Will you be at church on Sunday?
I really loved this. Thank you so much. I have felt that way several times throughout my life (although self-inflicted). It is hard for me to step out of my comfort zone big-time...I am NOT the proactive type and yet I used to be in my youth. :) I know that when I do though I am so much happier and can learn and grow so much from the wonderful people surrounding me.
BEAUTIFUL picture of you BTW.
I'm a hermit. Could you help me with that? lol.
Sarah,
I love your post. You said something that many of us feel daily. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed getting to know you better last night. Next time, let's sit closer together. :)
funny how we look at things and how time and hindsight gives us perspective...I look at you as one who has it all together and I felt so lucky and blessed when we connected...you are beautiful. And I am INCREDIBLY jealous of your talents...What I wouldn't give...
Janette---I too am a hermit! I need help with that also:) Thanks for putting this out here! I feel like I know you through your blog even though we never get to chat at church:)
I don't know what I did to my original comment, so I am sad to be adding my two cents too late. I think women have two unnecessary enemies, their impressions of others, and their impression of themselves. I find reasons to feel excluded when it was never that way to begin with. Being a big girl - everytime I hear someone significanly smaller than me groan about their "fat thighs" or "chubby belly" I think well they must think I am beyond disgusting and I step back emotionally. My only saving grace is I have an unsually high self esteem, so I don't beat myself up (much). I know many women do that relentlessly to themselves! That is why we need each other as women, I can help people who beat themselves up and others can help me see that other's opinions of me don't carry as much weight as I give it!
On a lighter note, I have become TERRIBLE with names, and sometimes I sit quiet at church functions because i can't seem to remember "what's her faces' name"
And Sarah for the record, your friendship has been priceless to me! And I know it is to many others!!!
I love how you just put it out there. It is so true that we need to step out of ourselves to truely accept others in.
-I am really bad about that too, but trying, like yourself, to work on it-
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