Saturday, February 21, 2009

These Words Changed My Life

Thank You to Miss Janie for finding this. When I heard these words last September, it felt as though the Heaven's opened and were speaking to me. Watch and then I'll explain.



I've shared my experiences of last year a few times. Okay, so I know most of you are sick of hearing about me and my miscarriages last year. After my ectopic in June something changed in me I could not explain.
My whole life I've had this creative fire burning within me and I always told myself, that I wasn't creative enough, or good enough to try things. I remember being very young and wanting to take an art class, wanting to sew, and making concoctions out of anything I could find. But those feelings were always pushed down and suppressed.
It wasn't until I was older that I discovered scrapbooking and cardmaking and fell in love. Still, that creative bug was suppressed. Finally, Claire was born and a switch flipped. I saw things I liked and I wanted to make them. And I did. I don't know how, I just did. I can't say they were high caliber, but good enough for me and I loved doing it. From making my own curtains, distressing furniture, and many other ideas that I stole from others.
Last year after my second miscarriage the flood gates opened. It was as though my creative powers could not be held back anymore. Blame it on me not being able to create the one thing I want more than anything to create-- A BABY-- I didn't know why, but the feelings of creating consumed me from morning until night. Maybe it was that I needed an escape. It was so consuming that I began to wonder if I was going crazy or there was something wrong with me. I had been like this for four months when I listened to President Uchtdorf's talk. Like I said,I felt as though the Heaven's had opened.
These feelings that I had been feeling were natural, and maybe it was my Heavenly Father's way of telling me, see-- you can create and your are supposed to be creating and practicing creating, because that is your purpose on this Earth-- to learn to become like Me.
Once, I whole heartedly embraced this desire and learned to practice a little discretion with my time-- I found this person inside that felt like a daughter of God, who will create, and continue to create.
The best part, is seeing my little girl and the amazing creativity inside her. She does some of the same things I remember doing. Filling cups with water and a whole box of Kleenex and hiding it under the sink just to see what happens. I did crap like that, and now Claire is. While its maddening, part of me wants to embrace her and say keep creating, keep that fire burning.

Enough of my haphazard rambling-- but blogging is one of my other creative outlets-- I love to put me out there in my raw unpolished form. Just so y'all can accept me for who I am.

8 comments:

Lisa said...

Great post!

Janie said...

It has been such a hard year and through it all you have created many, many beautiful things. Tangible and of the spirit. for that...

I heart YOU

shahna said...

Miscarriages just suck. Believe me, I know. Don't apologize for lamenting it on your blog. That is what blogs are for. I wish I had an outlet like this when I had my four miscarriages. It would have been nice to reach out to others in my grief. Hang in there sweet Sarah and takestrength knowing what a great mother you are to little Claire and celebrate all the talents that you have.

Erin said...

I also felt like that talk was written just for me. After hearing those words I was able to rid myself of those guilty feelings that come when I'm doing something for my sanity and my own enjoyment. Heavenly Father knows what we need and knows how to help us get through the hard times -- making our weaknesses become our strengths.

Jessica said...

I love this post!!! Thank you for sharing it.

kira lee said...

this talk is seriously my favorite talk of all time!!!

Ami said...

That's one of my favorite talks ever!! It makes me feel better about all the things I'm meaning to do but haven't gotten around to. Don't worry about whether or not people are sick of hearing the same story, if something changes you, you can't help but define yourself from that moment on. That's how I feel at least.

cynthi said...

So inspiring! Thank you for this post.