Friday, January 18, 2008

Mommy doesn't love me!

Okay, I need some motherly advice from all you experts out there. My three year old has put a new play into action that has me wondering what to do. Yesterday I snapped at her for making a mess or something (I am such a mean mom) and she looked and me and stomped up to her room and began wailing at the top of her lungs, "Mommy doesn't love me anymore, Mommy doesn't love me anymore." This broke my heart. So I calmed down, and asked her to come talk to me and we cuddled on the couch and I asked her why she thought I didn't love her anymore and she said, "because you are mad at me." I explained that just because I get mad doesn't mean I don't love her, and that she is not allowed to say that I don't love her anymore because its not true, and we only tell the truth. She seemed happy with our little chat, and it seemed to make everything better. Later, Dylan told her to put her jammies on and she didn't want to go to bed so Dylan told her to get upstairs and get her jammies on. Once again she pulled the, "Daddy doesn't love me anymore." He talked to her, and then sent her to bed. Again, a third time now, she is screaming mommy and daddy don't love me anymore. I let her cry it out and about 45min later she finished and then I went up and kissed her good night and told her I loved her.

Am I a terrible mother? Is this normal behavior? Where is it coming from? Does she really believe that we don't love her or has she figured out how to manipulate us one more way? What is the best way to handle this? Help!!!


My name is Andrea said...

She knows you love her, that is why she feels ok to act like that. She knows you love her no matter what. ANd yes, she is trying to see if yelling "you don't love me" will get her out of what she is supposed to do. You are an awesome mom. Let her know that you have rules and expectations BECAUSE you love her.

brianne said...

I have a hard time seeing my kids cry or get upset when they have to do something they don't want to, but I think they're much smarter than we give them credit for. I'm sure she is just using this to manipulate you. You're a great mom and sometimes that includes being a "mean" mom!

Janie said...

Benjamin pulled this a lot - at first I took the same approach as you - very loving "why would you ever think that sort of thing" but then it got very old fast and I realized he just liked the reaction it caused - He even does the "I should have never been born" stuff - Now no more manipulative statements allowed - comments like that extend the punishment - it may sound harsh but it works - then I cry later and try to give extra attention at another time - can't let them know it works!!!

Janette said...

I think that she's just a girl and girls are manipulative by nature. Seriously. I think it takes us years to figure out that we're manipulative and then years to quit doing it. Oh, and we're dramatic. Maybe put a sign on her bedroom door (not that she can read yet, but you can tell her what it says) that says "Mom and Dad love Claire" ... so when she goes running up the stairs, she sees it each and every time. lol. I'm evil.

In all reality, I have no clue what I'm talking about. But I do know you're a great mom!