Sunday, September 15, 2013

Feels Like We've Been to the Moon and Back: Part Two- Reality Sets In

"When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things:  either there will be firm ground to stand on, or you will be given wings to fly."

After eight years of hoping and praying for a baby we had reached our breaking point.  Our last experience made us believe it would take a lot of money or a miracle to have a baby. 
We felt like a baby was in our future and adoption just never felt right, but we weren't getting pregnant. 

After a lot of soul searching we figured our hang-up with adoption must just be us being afraid of the process and we decided to bite the bullet and start the paperwork. The week I discovered I was pregnant I had actually called LDS Social Services to pursue adoption.  When I only got a voicemail I got scared and hung up.  A few days later I found out I was pregnant. 

As stated in the previous post when we found out, we were in shock and we were happy and excited.  Dylan came home from his business trip and it still had not set in.  In fact even after Callie was home with us it took a while for it to really sink in. 

Reality of things however, quickly set in.  Here we were, in a small apartment in a rather scary place and I didn't have a job or insurance.  How in the world were we going to pay for and have a baby?  We were totally not prepared.  To make matters worse, right after we found out we were pregnant our apartment was robbed.

The robbery made us begin to doubt.  Getting pregnant was something we had prayed for daily for years and now we were questioning.  Looking back it seems so ungrateful that we questioned.  We just knew that there had been times in our lives when we felt we were more prepared to have this baby, but we knew that Heavenly Father had a plan.  We quickly realized that he would bless us beyond measure with this baby and he would help us. 

Many miracles happened throughout my pregnancy.  Most of them little miracles, but miracles nonetheless. 

One such miracle happened shortly after our good news. I found a long term substitute teaching job, that eventually turned into a full-time position. As a result of this job we could afford prenatal care and with the long term job insurance.

Initially I did not have insurance and did not know how we would do this without it. 

Next up: My choice to go against everything I ever thought I wanted or
in birth.

No comments: